Mirrored Gardens

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the places where people spend time online. About the other people with whom they interact, whether that’s by reading what they write or by actively conversing. About the relationships that form between people in purely online contexts, and the basis of those relationships. About proximity, and about diversity.

Some rhetorical questions for reflection: What attracts you to a place? Is it the people there? If so, what about the people? Shared interests? Overlapping demographics? Relatable experiences?

There’s a certain type of online place that’s all too common out there: the type where many of its members resemble the person who runs the place (often quite literally sharing the same race and socioeconomic status, at the very least), and where everyone seems to also share a narrow set of interests. There may not even be anything about the place inherently tied to those interests; it just kind of winds up attracting people who largely look and act the same way: like its owner.

I’m calling these mirrored gardens, and the first thing I want to say about them is that they are not inherently bad. You don’t have to be a psychologist or sociologist to observe that people are often drawn to those who remind them of themselves. Whether this is because of some innate human quality or the result of social practices instilled within us from an early age, I don’t know. I just know that a lot of people seek out communities where they can see much of themselves reflected all around them. I think there’s comfort there. The only time it’s less than ideal is when the person who runs the mirrored garden is in a demographic majority and actively attracts others from the same demographic majority. That’s when the reflections become a little overpowering.

You know what’s really cool, though? Online spaces with many different kinds of people who have many different kinds of interests. There’s something wondrous and inspiring about being exposed to new ideas, new customs, new tools, and even new ways of viewing and thinking about the world. There’s something simultaneously humbling and empowering about willfully exposing yourself to different kinds of problems and challenges, especially those that you may not likely face in your own life (whether due to privilege or otherwise). There’s something deeply enjoyable about reading something written by someone who is your polar opposite in just about every possible way, and coming away from that experience with a broadened perspective, some new knowledge, or perhaps even a greater capacity for understanding and compassion.

I didn’t build omg.lol as a community intentionally focused on this kind of diversity. I didn’t even set out to build a community at all (it started as a little web page and email forwarding thing). But when our community emerged on its own, I made damn sure to steer it toward this kind of intentional diversity. I don’t want my third place to be a mirrored garden, nor do I want to run one. omg.lol’s greatest strength is the genuine diversity of our community, and I wouldn’t want to see us take any other shape.

The mirrored gardens are abundant in number. You’ll never have a hard time finding one, especially if you’re a straight white guy. But I think communities like ours are something truly rare and special, and I genuinely appreciate every person who makes the choice to shatter the mirrors and spend time with and around different people. Especially if you’re a straight white guy.